Weary but hopeful

June 15, 2025

I have been steadily improving on the outside; my cognitive function, energy level, ability to socialize and appetite have all been getting better. The nausea is much less these past few days, and I seem to have a little less anxiety as well. So, the question is, ‘Why am I still experiencing so much worry and depression?’ Why did I feel unable 2 days ago to cope with visiting family a few hours away? I know that I’ve improved in many ways, but I still don’t feel the positive results of the improvements. That, however, is the nature of this beast called anxiety/depression. The one struggling and suffering is the last to feel the change. I think it’s because we’ve felt bad for so long that we have a hard time believing that things can change for the better.

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them. (Romans 8:28)

I even have experience of this very thing – being sceptical of the signs of recovery. It’s also affected by the fact that my mind is being bombarded with so many negative thoughts every day. It takes a long time to retrain your brain and a lot of work, as well as a commitment to the goal of recovery. All of this does require hope, something that is often in short supply in people living with anxiety and/or depression. But hope will grow as long as we don’t give up and we don’t give in to the temptation to isolate ourselves. Even if you have no family support, there is always someone, maybe a friend, a fellow sufferer or an organization helps people in our situation.

“For I know the plans I have for you, “says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11)

I know it sounds somewhat bleak, but I still believe that, if we stay committed to the goal, there will come a time when our feelings do catch up with the outward signs of healing that everyone else sees. My family tells me that I’m so much better than I was just a couple of months ago and they also informed me that I’m not as good at hiding my pain as I think I am. Therefore, that means that I’m probably not seeing the true level of improvement that has taken place and is ongoing at this moment. If our support team is reliable, we should then trust that what their telling us is accurate.

And you saw how the Lord your God cared for you all along the way as you traveled through the wilderness, just as a father cares for his child. Now he has brought you to this place. (Deuteronomy 1:31)

I know that you may be weary and sometimes you may think that it’s just too much work, but life is always worth fighting for, even when it’s hard. We are all capable of not only recovering but using this season of our lives to better ourselves and to help others with similar struggles to see that there is always a way forward. It may be covered in darkness because of the ‘weeds’ that have grown up around it but there is an opening in the darkness, even if it’s only the size of a pin hole. Just keep getting up every day, do regular things and stay connected to the people and the world around you. The darkness will eventually be overcome by the light that lives inside of you, the light that never left you. What is required of us, is that we shift our focus from worry/fear/sadness to the beauty that inhabits our soul. We are all of significant value and importance. Don’t ever forget that.